Struggling!

i know i haven't been on here for a while, went off the tracks and went drinking two weekends in a row with some mates. I have managed to not put on any weight lucky but i still feel gross and yucky. Also got involved with a boy who one of my friends like so we are keeping that on the downlow but i am plauged with guilt over it all. I feel like i'm cheating on my friend. I'm super behind in my assignments and nothing seams to be working right. My mum told me i need to pay this $600 bill (by June/July) cause she gave me half the money in January, i'm barely surviving week to week now, how i am meant to save $600 in 1.5-2 months i have no freaking idea. At least i can not buy food and have a legit excuse for it but my work is so exhausting that i'm going to struggle. Nothing seams to be working the way i want it to right now and it's getting hard. There have been times when i've seriously considered killing myself cause the life insurance plan i have will help everyone out so much. I know things are bad when i'm laying in bed considering all the different options of suicide. Sigh.